10 Things I've Learned in 10 Years of Marriage

Every Sunday night, Luke and I have what we call a “Spiritual date night.” We set aside about an hour to get together for a time of Spiritual intimacy. We do different things like do a devotion together, talk about what we’ve studied in God’s word all week, listen to one of our favorite pastors, partake in communion, etc. Tonight we went down a slightly different path and did a fun little exercise that we could share with others. We got inspired by Seattle pastor, Mark Driscoll, who in celebration of his 18 year wedding anniversary posted on his facebook page “18 Things We’ve Learned in 18 Years of Marriage”. He and his wife each came up with 18 things they’ve learned about marriage in their 18 years together. So Luke and I thought it would be fun to come up with our own list. We just celebrated 10 years of marriage this summer, so we each came up with 10 things we’ve learned in 10 years of marriage.

Mandi's List:

1. Don’t let more than a day or two go by without coming together for physical intimacy. Satan loves to turn physical separation into emotional and spiritual separation… and besides, sex cures a multitude of problems!
2. Male brains are very different than female brains. Don’t expect him to see the things you see, think the way you think, or even fully understand your feelings after you’ve explained them to him.
3. When you say “I do” at the alter, you don’t just sign up to be a wife – you are also signing up to be mental health counselor. Embrace that role, don’t resent it.
4. Men thrive on admiration. Be his biggest cheerleader, not his biggest critic.
5. He loves it when you watch football with him, but not when you talk football with him. He appreciates that you can enjoy the game, but he still wants you to be a girl.
6. Being the “woman behind the man” is not demeaning, demoralizing, or suppressing. It’s an honor to be the steward of his vision, so help him to shine and let him get the glory. It will make you feel more valuable than any of your own accomplishments.
7. Make your home a sanctuary – a tidy, organized, comfortable place filled with love - to come home to after the world beats him up. He will always love to come home.
8. Forgive, forgive, and forgive some more, And when you think you can’t possibly forgive another thing – forgive again.
9. Let him know you meant it when you said “until death do us part”. Don’t threaten to walk out at any sign of trouble. Forever means forever, so be loyal and faithful, enduring the tough times together. Don’t let them tear you apart, let them bond you together and make you stronger. If you don’t have struggles, you aren’t close enough.
10. Keep your love life adventurous. Don’t let it get mundane or routine. Try new things, surprise him, and don’t be afraid to add a little element of “risk”. Remember that men are visual creatures, and they thrive on adventure, so appeal to his senses – smell, taste, touch, sight. You are God’s provision for him in this area, and you and God both expect complete fidelity. So make it worth it.

Luke's List:

1. You are the Spiritual head of your home - Your wife is the "artistic director". Learn what a duvet cover, a valence, and a throw pillow are, and be prepared to buy them.
2. Pottery Barn, Williams-Sonoma, and IKEA are your friends.
3. Strong decision-making skills are a turn on to her.
4. Your wife is a better cook than your mother.
5. "Guys night out" will never beat "couple's night in"!
6. Satan is your enemy - your wife is not. She is there to sanctify you, protect you, and help you - let her.
7. Be the man God called you to be. She deserves better than mediocrity, complacency, and half-hearted efforts.
8. Pray early - pray often.
9. The Bible is an aphrodesiac to her. Learn it, live it, love it.
10. The husband wears the pants in the family, but the wife tells him which pants to wear.